My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
