Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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