I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I hope mine doesn't look like that
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
