Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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