Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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