i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood