its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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