My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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