he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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