party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
