So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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