Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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