I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
