I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
