you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
