I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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