I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
