Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
