The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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