If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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