we're blogging at a bar
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
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I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
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you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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