i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
