We're facebook friends in real life
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
