We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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