there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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