Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
