She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
