Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
How's work?
Spinning.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
