what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
