I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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