Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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