dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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