tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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