which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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