She is in my trunk
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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