Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
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so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
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I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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