Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
