Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
