Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
