i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
