I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
