I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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