So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
