My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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