I never want to see another naked old woman again.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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