my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm both gender and math confused
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
