i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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