i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Randomize
