so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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