I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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