How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
