two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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