I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
