mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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