Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
