Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
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so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
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Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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