Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
