69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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