also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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