I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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