woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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