I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Randomize
