i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
