there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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