bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
