Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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