after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
