well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
