He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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