Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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