I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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