her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
