Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
